Raw Blue

ECT has unlocked vivid emotional awareness. I did not realize how disconnected I have been from others. Last night for the first time in my life I understand what it means to feel connected. It's so beautiful. Everything will be different now. I will elaborate later.

Third-Fifth Treatments

Wow, hello. I forgot that I started a blog to track my treatments. Friday was my fifth treatment. Feeling...well..confused. But not in a bad way, more like in a mellow way. I had to stop one of my medications in order to begin ECT (Lamictal a.k.a. Lamitrogine) so I'm already feeling a little weird to begin with. Turns out Lamictal is an anti-seizure medication as on top of being a mood stabilizer. For some reason I feel like I've typed this before. Maybe I have.

For now this is the middle of my treatments  and other than the uncomfortable confusion I feel I am still feeling hopeful. Tomorrow will be treatment number 6. Maybe I will have more to say then. Good night!

Second Treatment

Friday was my second treatment. The headaches and nausea were somewhat better managed, but I was still still on my ass for the rest of the day. I am also starting to notice the memory impairments. Memory will get a little worse with each treatment. So it kind of feels like I'm glimpsing into my near future because I still have enough of my memory to catch myself at times and notice I'm forgetting. That will be a luxury that I will not have much longer.  Other than that I feel pretty good. Feeling positive for the most part. Albeit, already a bit cabin feverish-ish. Keep trying to convince myself that the time off will be good for me, but not being able to drive myself anywhere on my own will take some getting used to. Luckily there is lots for me to work on around the house and I have lots of time for exercising. My mom and I get along great which helps the time pass by easily enough. Yes, off to a good start. I do feel different, even if  ever so slightly.